My girlfriend sent me nudes and I didn’t realize that was against the law; what do I do now?
“I’m freaking out - my girlfriend sent me some pictures the other day of her naked in her bedroom and I didn’t think it was bad at first. I thought it was hot and I was thinking about sending her some other time. But then I found out that it’s actually illegal, and I think it’s actually child porn because we are both only 15. And now I’m worried that the cops are going to show up at my door and arrest me. What do I do??”
It was clear how afraid this person was when they reached out to us, and we knew that this was something that other people their age were wondering about as well. So we decided to share our response with you all in the hopes that this may help someone else figure out what to do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
To be clear: it’s OK to engage in safe sexual behaviors. In this response, we focus on the legality and safety of sexually explicit photos shared between minors.
It can be scary to find out that something you’ve done or been involved with may be illegal, but it is incredibly mature of you to have reached out to us. I’m hoping to give you some information that will help you and your girlfriend continue to make safe and healthy decisions.
First, you should delete the pictures that she sent you. Let her know that you did, and then ask if you can talk. It’s important to let her know that sending these photos puts you both at risk of facing legal consequences. You mentioned that you feel like this might be child sexual abuse material (CSAM, once called child pornography), and you’re right. No one under the age of 18 can consent to appearing in any sexually explicit material - videos, photos, nothing! According to the law, a minor who sends explicit material of themselves can be charged with a crime. Even if the both of you are under 18, you can still get into trouble for having or sharing this content with each other. Our FAQ: Is it okay to sext with someone else my own age? explains a little bit more about this.
If this is the first time that images like this have been shared, it’s unlikely that you will be arrested or charged with anything. But neither of you should keep these pictures on your phone or on your computer, and you should not share any more content like this. You should both agree on some boundaries, the most important being that you will not send each other any sexual images or videos.
If your girlfriend isn’t able to see how this could be harmful and illegal, it’s still important to hold to this limit and ask her not to send pictures like this again. It makes sense that you might be worried about offending or upsetting her, so you can say this in a way that shows you care about her and her safety, you want to respect her, and you don’t want to see either of you get into any trouble.
I’m so glad that you found us to reach out to, and I hope that you feel better about what to do next. We want both you and your girlfriend to stay safe, and to live happy and fulfilling lives. If you have any more questions that come up, please reach back out to us! Take care now.
So that’s what we told this person, and there is one more thing that we would want this person to consider: Anything anyone shares online can become impossible to take back. The person who asked us about this didn’t seem to intend to share the nude pictures of his girlfriend, but if his girlfriend had sent them to someone who didn’t respect her privacy, they could forward the photos on to their friend, who then forwards to their friends, and so on. It becomes impossible to ever get rid of that image. So besides this being illegal, sending nude photos can mean a lifetime of feeling regretful and embarrassed. That’s just one more reason for this person to want to make sure this doesn’t go any further.
Really, we can all make safe and smart decisions about what kind of risks we want in our lives. This person was super courageous and really cared about doing the right thing. We’re glad they reached out. For more information about sexting and related topics, check out these resources below:
Amaze: Sexting, what should you do?
Scarleteen: My boyfriend wants naked pictures of me: should I do it? And The Cutting Room Floor: On Sexting
Planned Parenthood: All about sexting
