What is safety planning?
When you are struggling with sexual thoughts and feelings about younger children, it can be really hard to know what to do in the moment when you are faced with a situation that feels risky or triggering. Having a plan ahead of time can be key in making safe decisions.
Planning Safety
Safety planning is an important, long-term strategy to staying safe. It means preparing so that at-risk situations don’t happen often. An “at-risk situation” means there are conditions that could create an increased risk that could put others - and yourself - at risk of experiencing harm, such as access to illegal material, being in the same physical space as a younger child who you've had sexual thoughts about, or even feeling isolated or depressed.
When you can think about your limits and your resources before being in an at-risk situation, you are courageously taking steps to keep children and yourself safe.
Create a written safety plan that you can look at when you need to – see a sample below. Use what you know about yourself to make a plan for future situations. What has been helpful to you when you have struggled with difficult feelings, thoughts, and situations in the past? What hasn’t helped? Make a list of things that help you make safe decisions, feel better, and feel less isolated. This might include people you trust that you can reach out to when you are having thoughts or feelings that make you uncomfortable, or it could be specific activities like playing a musical instrument or going for a bike ride. You can include whatever helps you shift your focus, supports your commitment to safety, and helps you feel better and in control of your behaviors.
Keep the list somewhere you can reach it in a moment of stress, like on your computer, in your phone or in your wallet. And remember - you can always add new strategies to your plan!
Keep a Journal
A journal can be another helpful tool to keep track of your emotions and activities. This way, when there is a triggering or risky event, you can see what you were feeling and thinking directly before it happened, and you can use it to make safe decisions in the future. Finding a pattern can help you feel more in control of your actions.
Share Your Plan
It’s a good idea to share your safety plan with someone else. That way, they can help you stay accountable and be more helpful when you’re struggling. Maybe you are seeing a counselor or another professional who is helping you make safe decisions, or maybe there is a close and trusted friend or family member you feel comfortable showing your plan to.
Sample Safety Plan
Here is a sample safety plan to give you some ideas of what to include in your safety plan. Remember, fill it in with what is helpful for you.
Think: what makes you feel at risk?
Feelings: loneliness, boredom, sadness
Situations: being near a child you’re attracted to, babysitting, being online
What can you do instead?
Connection: calling a friend or relative, planning a hang out
Hobbies: art, music, video games, movies
Grounding: breathing, walking, yoga, sports
How can you set up your boundaries better?
Practice what you’d say if someone asked you to do something unsafe:
“No, I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
“I have too much homework to watch her today.”
“I actually prefer a high-five instead of a hug.”
Environmental: turning in devices to a parent/friend, putting a block on your browser, taking a new route to school
Who are the people in your life that you trust?
Identify safe and trusted people, including adults, that you can talk to when you are feeling overwhelmed or triggered
Professional support - is there a school counselor, doctor, personal therapist or some other adult that can support you when you feel like your safety plan isn’t working? This might also include reaching out to the WhatsOK Helpline too!
Accountability: how can you stay on track?
Can you keep this safety plan on your phone, by your computer?
Do you have a therapist, friend or mentor who can help you stay on track?
Safety planning can evolve as you do – try something and see what you’d like to keep, what helps you feel safer, and what doesn’t suit you.
Our Blog “What should I do if I am trying to avoid triggering situations?” talks more about safety planning tips and ways to prepare for triggering or unsafe situations. WhatsOK is also here to talk over your safety plan and offer support - so reach out!
