I’m 14 and I want to go on Grindr. Is that okay?

A 14 year-old reached out to our helpline, sharing that he wanted to go on Grindr to hook up with other guys. He was excited about the possibility of being in a sexual relationship and was reaching out because he had some questions. He knew that technically he wasn’t supposed to be on that app, but was wondering if it’s still okay because that’s what he wants - and his parents recently told him he’s old enough to date.

What’s normal and what’s unsafe?

It is really responsible of this teenager to seek out more information; we know it’s not easy for young people to ask about sex and relationships. But it is totally normal for him to be thinking about having a relationship and how to find one.

An important point to clarify in our consultation was that while he has permission to date, dating is different from “hooking up”. Typically, hooking up implies being sexual with someone. And this is a big step, and having a sexual relationship - especially the first time - is safest, healthiest, and even more enjoyable when it is a part of a developing relationship where people have time to get to know and trust each other, and can communicate about what they want to each other.

Grindr is not the place to develop this type of relationship. While sure, we guess that this could happen, it is highly unlikely and actually has more potential to lead to problems than anything else.

We also shared some concerns about what he was thinking about doing - even though he knew that he was too young to be on Grindr, he would need to lie about his age to bypass the restrictions. We talked about the potential consequences of this - both for himself and for anyone who he interacts with.

Risk that could result in harm, abuse, or charges

If he were to meet up and have any type of sexual contact with anyone from this app, this is illegal. Not only is this risky to this young person, but since he’s under the age of consent having any type of sexual relationship with someone from this app (those 18 and over) can potentially result in criminal charges for the other person.

This is risky and unsafe - we can’t know who is behind a screen, and someone much older than him could take advantage - he may be physically hurt, manipulated, or even robbed. Going on this app will not result in him meeting up with any peers, but instead adults who are emotionally, sexually, and developmentally in a very different place than him which makes this an unequal - and unsafe - dynamic.

Cultivating Safe Relationships

This young person does deserve to have a relationship, but with someone who is around the same stage in life that he’s in now. Starting one with a peer is more healthy and appropriate so they can learn and grow and communicate together. We also brainstormed other ideas he can think about as ways to meet new people, or to even talk with anyone he may be interested in now. It could be joining a club at school, trying out for a sport or play, asking a parent or caregiver to bring him to the youth center in his town - or maybe just building a deeper bond with someone they have known for awhile to see where that goes.

We recommended that he check out some of the Resources on our site so that he can continue to learn more about healthy sexuality. That way, when the right person does come along, he can feel more confident in any relationship he may have.