How will I know when my porn use has become a problem?
“I was starting to feel worried that I was spending way too much time watching porn and it was starting to create problems for me with my parents, my friends, and with my girlfriend. I didn’t know who to talk to about it, because it’s kind of an embarrassing thing to bring up.”
Thanks so much for reaching out! This is exactly the type of question we help young people navigate, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We’re so glad you reached out.
Like with so many things, defining a “problem” is really personal. So the best way to determine whether something is a problem for you is to ask yourself a few questions. Here’s how we help people navigate this issue:
1. Are your behaviors changing since you started watching pornography? This can look like:
Unmanageable and/or compulsive thoughts about when you can watch porn again
Difficulty keeping promises to others about watching less
Lying to yourself and/or others about time spent watching porn
Watching more violent porn
2. Have you changed the way you use your digital devices? This can look like:
Using them all the time, to the point that it’s creating problems with family, friends or at school and/or work
Watching more and more (legal, adult) pornography
Changes in how secretive you feel about your browsing history or saved images you delete
Watching during work and/or school, or during time typically spent on other important projects
3. Are you isolating yourself? This can look like:
Becoming emotionally “checked-out” or withdrawing from friends and family
Not participating in usual family, extracurricular and social activities
Shutting the door or changing the screen if someone walks in
4. Have you suffered losses as a result of your sexual behaviors? This can look like:
A drop in grades at school or losing a job
Loss of interest interests or activities and/or losing friends
Getting in legal trouble
5. Are you noticing sexual changes in yourself? This can look like:
Changing your sexual attitudes and preferences
Having sexual fantasies of younger children
Decreased sexual interest in peers in real life
Masturbation fantasies becoming extreme and/or violent
Shame, regret, or self-hatred in connection to your own arousal
Any one of these things doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem, but it’s good to think about these questions and check in often. Based on what you said, it sounds like your behaviors have changed, you’re isolating yourself and you’re suffering losses.
5 things to do if you’re concerned about your activity online
If you’re concerned about how often you’re looking at porn or even what porn you’re looking at, help is available! Here are five things you can do if you’re worried about yourself:
Tell a close friend that you trust or a safe adult that you are feeling worried, and ask for their support
Contact the WhatsOK Helpline to talk to a counselor more about what's going on
Get connected to professional support like a counselor or a therapist
Create a safety plan for your internet use
Unplug by taking a break from online content and devices
WhatsOK is here to help. We offer a free, confidential helpline for teens and young adults who have questions or want support around sexual health and safety. Contact us to get started
Check out our FAQs: Is It okay to look at porn? and Can you be addicted to porn? where we explain a little bit more about these questions we hear from many folks who are reaching out to us.
