My friend has been watching videos of other kids having sex - what could happen to him?
“So, my friend showed me this video that he was watching and it was of two kids our age having sex. He said he thought it was really hot, and that he has been watching a lot of videos like that lately. When I asked him why, he said that it was cool to watch people the same age as us having sex. But I think that what he’s watching might be against the law- I think it might be child porn because they are only 16. I’m worried that he will get in trouble or something but I don’t know what could happen to him.”
This is an email we got from someone who was worried about the kind of content their friend was watching and what kind of trouble they could get in. It was so brave of this person to recognize and question their friend’s behavior, especially when they felt like it may put them in an unsafe position. We were so glad they reached out and we want to share how we answered.
Speaking up
It’s really great that you reached out to get more information, and it is clear that you are a good friend. We know that it’s not easy to question someone’s behavior, much less your friend - and it is even more difficult when you are worried that your friend’s behavior may be potentially harmful or illegal, but it shows how much you care about him and want to see him stay safe.
It is true that teens want to watch stuff that they relate to and are interested in, and many teenagers are curious about sex and relationships. So watching same-aged kids, like 2 teens, having sex, may seem OK, and even a way to learn more about sex. But you are right in feeling like your friend may be crossing a really important boundary by watching child porn, more accurately called child sexual abuse material (CSAM).
No one under the age of 18 can legally agree to be in any explicit photos or videos - even if it looks like they are having a good time or that they want to be there. A lot of times there are things happening behind-the-scenes that you may not see - for example, the teens in the video could be being physically abused, threatened, or manipulated into being involved. Sometimes they are also struggling with other issues, like addiction, mental health, or other significant family problems. No matter the reason though, the bottom line is that minors cannot consent to participating in any type of sexual activity being filmed or photographed.
Possible consequences
According to the law in the US, it doesn't matter what the age of consent is. Any image or video of a minor (someone under age 18) involved in sexually explicit behavior is considered CSAM and is illegal.
It is illegal to make, send, receive, watch, or possess any image of CSAM. This includes looking at images and videos of CSAM online. People who are found guilty of this may have to pay fines and/or face other consequences that vary by state. This is true even if the person watching it is under the age of 18 themselves.
The risks of watching CSAM may also include anyone who uses the same computer or phone. So if someone is watching illegal images and then a family member uses the same computer, they could also get into legal trouble.
Continuing to watch these kind of videos puts your friend at risk of getting into serious legal trouble.
Misconceptions
Additionally, while your friend may think that he is learning about sex, in fact, watching these videos can actually make it difficult to understand and maintain appropriate boundaries. What your friend is seeing is not a good way to learn about sex and relationships - he is seeing a recorded crime scene really - a case of illegal child sex abuse. I know that seems dramatic, but it is the reality of what the situation is. This is not about learning about how sex, sexuality, and relationships work. These are images that are scripted, so not only are they illegal - they are inaccurate, and really don’t teach anyone about sex and relationships in real life.
It’s important that he stops watching this now, and that he gets any extra support that he needs if he can’t stop watching these videos on his own. And he may want to understand how this could impact him, and the teens that are being exploited in the videos. This article from the New York Times called The Price of a Stolen Childhood may be helpful to look at.
Talking to your friend
If it feels safe and comfortable, you could talk to your friend to let him know that you're concerned, and what you’ve learned about the videos he’s watching. And you can let him know that you care about your friendship and that you don’t want to see him get into any trouble. He may not fully understand exactly what he is doing, and because the people in the videos are his age, it may not seem wrong to him. You can let him know about WhatsOk? and he can reach out to us with any questions he might have about this.
Another option would be to find an adult that you feel safe talking to - like a parent, a teacher, or a coach. This isn’t to get your friend in trouble, but this may be a way for your friend to get support to help him stay safe, and also to better understand what he’s watching. This might be especially important if your friend seems unable or unwilling to stop watching these videos. Even though it might feel really confusing or hard right now, you are being a great friend; it’s incredibly courageous of you to speak up in a situation that might feel uncomfortable or scary.
This is a hard position for anyone to be in, but our helpline is here to talk through concerns like these and help people navigate difficult conversations. Don’t be afraid to reach out - you don’t have to go through this alone!
