I don’t want my parents to find out why I want therapy

It can seem scary to tell your parents why you want to talk to a therapist, no matter the reason. Many young people who reach out to the WhatsOK helpline are looking to talk to a therapist about unwanted sexual feelings they are having, such as feeling turned on by pictures of younger children when they are naked. People who reach out to us say they are really nervous about getting help without telling their parents why. That’s completely understandable! Here are some things we recommend. 

Only share what you’re comfortable with 

You can ask your parents for help in a general way. You don’t have to go into the details of what is going on. Think about saying something like:  

“I've got  a lot going on in my life, and I need a neutral space to talk. Can we see about finding a therapist for me?” 

If they press you for details and you're not ready to share more, have something prepared to say, like, 

“I’m not ready to talk about everything I'm feeling right now. But I appreciate your support.” 

Your parents can find an age-appropriate therapist for you through your health insurance, a doctor’s referral, or even a local mental health agency. Many therapists specialize in certain topics, such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, stress, or trauma. You can find a therapist who specializes in something specific you’re worried about, or you can find someone who generally works with young people. 

If you want to talk to a therapist specifically about sexual thoughts and feelings that worry you, you may want to see a sepcialist. Depending on what you feel comfortable sharing with your parents, you might think about seeking support through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, or AASECT. They are experts around sexuality and sexual behaviors, and they can help you understand what you’re experiencing. 

What if your parents say “no”

It’s possible that when you approach your parents about finding a therapist, even if you aren’t sharing any specific details about what’s going on, that they may say “no” or that they don’t believe you need that kind of support. Understandably, this might be really hard to deal with, and it might feel like there is no other way to get help. But don’t give up. There are other places you can go to talk to someone about what’s going on for you. 

How about your school counselor? Are they someone that you feel like you could go and talk to? You could start by just telling them that you’ve been feeling really stressed about things that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone in your life right now, but your parents don’t think that you need to talk to a therapist. This level of support is built right into your school day, and you can talk to your school counselor ahead of time about whether they would need to inform your parents if you started seeing them regularly. 

While this is not a replacement for counseling, if your parents are not able to help you and you can’t think of any other person who could be a resource, you could reach out to a helpline that specifically talks to teenagers. This is a short-term answer but often youth helpline counselors are a great place to come up with a plan of how to access a counselor in your community. In addition to the WhatsOK helpline, here are some other resources.

Talking to a therapist about concerning thoughts

When you talk with a therapist, think about what you’d like to share. You do not need to share everything all at once, or even ever. Sometimes disclosing a potential sexual interest in children is something a therapist would need to tell your parents. Whether a therapist would report something you share depends on what you disclose, as well as their own training, specialties, and understanding about mandated reporting policies. It is totally okay to ask any therapist to explain mandated reporting policies before you start a session with them. Ask for clarifications if you need it. And, think about taking a look at our FAQ If I talk to a counselor will they report me for my thoughts?

If you end up talking to a professional who works with youth, but not specifically sexual concerns, like your school counselor, it would make sense to speak in general terms. You could talk about how there are some thoughts that are bothering you, and how this makes you feel and act as a result. You never need to give any details about what your thoughts are, specifically. The right therapist can help you learn tools to unhook from these thoughts without ever knowing details. Our FAQ How can counseling help me? might also be worth a look.

Finding other sources of support 

No matter what, there will likely be some time between asking your parents for help and finding the right therapist for you. In the meantime, think about other types of support in your life. Is there anyone who knows that you’re struggling? If not, are you at least able to talk to a friend or other trusted person about how you’re dealing with a lot? It can help just to share even a little bit.

You can also reach out to our Helpline to speak with one of our counselors to talk more about finding and talking to a therapist.