Am I gay because I was sexually abused?

We’ve heard this question a few times. It’s not uncommon for people who identify as GLBTQI+ and who have been sexually abused to wonder if their abuse has anything to do with their sexual orientation. Some people specifically wonder if the fact that they were abused by a same gendered person “made them turn gay.” Or the flip side of this question, whether being abused by the opposite gender made them turn to their same gender and thus, turning away from the gender of the person who abused them. 

These are deep questions. People want to know why they are who, what and how they are. We want to better understand ourselves. And we certainly don’t like the idea that “bad things” that have happened to us in our lives make us who we are. 

Short answer: no

You’re probably not LGBTQIA+ because you were sexually abused. There is no research to make a case for this. Sexual orientation is understood as being biologically determined. That means external events – like our parents divorcing, illness or even traumatic abusive situations – do not make someone gay. 

It is true that being sexually abused may influence the choices we make, the types of relationships we want and even the type of person we might be attracted to. But it doesn’t change a person’s sexual orientation.

Consider this as well: If someone thinks that women who identify as lesbian were abused by men and therefore rejected men, then it would make sense that men who identify as gay were abused by women and therefore reject women. But not all lesbians and not all gay men have been sexually abused. And not all people who have been sexually abused are gay. So this line of thinking just doesn’t make sense.

There are other examples of inconsistent thinking like this about why someone identifies as GLBTQI+. But they are just not accurate or rooted in what we know about sexual attraction and orientation. 

What’s most important is to realize that being gay or any sexual orientation or gender identity doesn’t have to be explained with trauma. It’s not dysfunctional! And no matter what: you deserve to feel comfortable, loved and supported with who you are now.